After all, according to church statistics, it was strange that a woman would struggle with such a thing. I felt so ashamed, especially for being a woman who struggled with this issue. It was during this time that my relationship with self-gratification and pornography caught like wildfire, and before I knew it, I was engaging in co-occurring addictions to remedy my pain and mental exhaustion. While things went beautifully the first couple of years, I suddenly began to sink into a deep depression as past hurts from my upbringing in an abusive and alcoholic home arose.ĭesperate for comfort and aid, I quickly turned to food and deprecating thoughts about my body to cope with my hurtful past. In August 2009, I moved to California and began attending Biola University. In high school, this question sparked a personal decision not to date so that my heart could become more fully healed and so I could continue to understand God’s purpose for my heart and my sexuality. Yet, even during this time, the question still remained, “Who am I really as a daughter of God? And how can I steward myself to live a life of full and vibrant purity?” I danced and sang and entertained for three full years in TeamKid!, our church’s children’s ministry, traveling to cities to share the gospel with thousands. Two weeks later, I rededicated my life to the Lord and devoted myself to full-time ministry. I began to see God in such a powerful way in her life and wondered if God could possibly have that in store for me, too. As I entered high school, my eyes began to open to the reality of Jesus when my Mom made a life-changing decision to get clean and sober from alcohol. This exposure combined with parental neglect led to a forced personal exploration for me as a pre-teen.įor many years, I wondered and questioned about what sex was really created for. Growing up in a secular, alcoholic household, filled with materialism and devoid of true love, I began to develop an unhealthy concept of sex, never fully arriving at the intrinsic significance of God’s purposeful intention in creating relationships between men and women. If you are interested in applying for this year’s scholarship, fill out our application.įrom the time I was six years old, I have been exposed to ungodly sexuality, pornography, and other forms of unwholesome media. This is one of the essays Paige submitted to apply for our scholarship. Paige is graduating from Biola University this spring ( May 2015) with a Bachelor’s in Cinema & Media Arts, and is currently pursuing a full-time career as a recording artist in the music industry. The following is an essay written by Paige, one of our scholarship winners from last year.
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